From JHM:
It occurred to me that a formal business letter was perhaps not the best way to express emma's ardent enthusiasm for this position. With the help of cyrano, i've composed some suggested cover letters:
Dearest Personnel Dept., University of Washington, My love, I can imagine myself kissing your benificient body and slathering you with various oils and my enthusiasm for this position. Your position as the most respected university in the field are my anchor in the stormy sea of life; I wonder how I ever made it through a day without you. Please meet me dressed in your position as hiring executive on Valentine's Day and we will celebrate our heavily leveraged love together. Yours plaintively, emma
Dear Personnel Dept., University of Washington, My love, you are a remuneration. Remember the time I saw a seagull fly out of your firm handshake at the conclusion of a successful interview? You comforted me with your my life's work until the managerial sun dipped out of reach.I thought I spied your glow of managerial excellence draped across the equator.But the asphalt still flickers with our long-term and career-oriented love. Yours eagerly, emma
My Darling Personnel Dept., University of Washington, I am your gracious servant. So you don't like the way I go on and on about your salary and my dog's flea problem? Forgive me if I digress from the subject of your potentially rewarding beauty. And please ignore me if I stare too intensely at you in your ceremonial robes of office, but I have never seen anyone who looks so elegant while wolfing down the fruits of my labours. Please, oh please, be my Valentine or I won't know what to do. Yours secretarially, emma
It has since come to my attention that the Unversity of Washington has contacted emma and requested an interview for the position. this, clearly, can only be attributed to the persuasive power of these letters.
On further reflection, and in the interest of preparedness, I have asked that Cyrano prepare a letter of resignation should the position not prove to be worthy of emma's, well, affections:
Dear Personnel Dept., University of Washington, I have enjoyed our relationship for the past few pay-cycles, but fear that we have soared to exuberant heights only to alight upon a plateau of ambition. It would have been better to have just remained friends, but alas, our passion prevailed. Now, it is time for you to remove your backbreaking office uniform from my closet and to detach your annoying pet officeboy from my leg. I will mourn the loss of your carpal tunnel, as it is etched in my mind forever. dutifully yours, emma
Perish the mere thought that such a letter should ever be necessary. however, in today's stormy business climate, one cannot be too careful.